(Source: not-one-fuck-given, via clubcouture)
(Source: lewlewlew, via the-absolute-funniest-posts)
Relationship Status
( ) Single
( ) In a relationship
( ) Married
( ) Engaged
( ) Divorced
(X) Waiting for a miracle
Amen sista.
(Source: shitbloggerssay, via the-absolute-funniest-posts)
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Filed ↓ emeli sande heaven
Dear Boss…
Yep okay. I admit it. I hung up on you.
Sure, you rostered me on reception with no previous experience and then failed to train me, leaving me as flustered as a menopausal woman in a sauna. However i assure you that this was not an intentionally melicious act.
The beeping you heard through the receiver was not the bleeping out of profanities on my behalf, but rather the musical styling of a very confused receptionist pressing sporadic buttons.
Surprisingly this logical approach was unsuccessful and the line went dead.
I hope you can find it within yourself to accept my deepest apology, i promise to master the art of mobile transfers next shift (if you choose to continue my employment).
Rissole receptionist.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
<3 Rediscovery
Dear Residents…
Dear Residents of No. Fifty-One Brisbane Courso,
Comic sans? …Really?
Out of all the fonts, you chose comic sans for your street number?
Presumably you opted to spell out the number in the hope of appearing highly established (rather than using digits, like the rest of us simpltons). But what you’ve failed to comprehend is that using this childish font actually negates all effort to seem upper class, instead insinuting extreme douchiness on your behalf.
Whilst i concede that the curvascious lettering and crisp lines of comic sans are indeed initially appealing, most people move past this infactuation by the age of 10, leaving this font where it belongs… in the size-14-school-reports of the past.
I write to implore you to do the same,
Disturbed Passer-bye.
Dear Voice…
Dear Voice,
Please come back to me?
I realise now how badly i treated you. There are no excuses for my behaviour. You didn’t deserve it, and i understand why you had to leave me.
But deep down you must know I never meant to hurt you. I just got swept up in the moment. Though that’s no excuse.
I hope, one day, you can accept this (mimed) apology and find it within yourself to cease these torturous vocal shenanigans.
Sincerely,
The lady with the pre-pubesant male voice.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Yes, this is directed to you.
(Source: beauty--rush)
Dear Flood…
Dear Floods,
Your up in ma grillz. Kindly fuck off.
Yeronga Resident
